You know that book you jokingly receive for graduation, something like 101 Ways to Eat Ramen? It should really be something like How to Beg, Borrow, Repurpose, Substitute and Steal a Meal: College Edition.

The first chapter is on strategically joining clubs that provide the most free meals. The second? Spartan baking, by which I mean making food without having access to any of the items on the back of the box. Don’t be scared soldier, I have a case study for your benefit.

The Birthday Cake, Sparta Style

The goods: cake mix from Trader Joe’s, eggs someone was giving away, and expired butter.

Don’t have a mixing bowl? Psssh, those are a waste of space anyway. Just throw the mix directly in the pan!

Melt butter in any container you can find, add to mix. See how it looks like a volcano now? Show me a mixing bowl that can do THAT.

Add salvaged eggs!

See how it looks like lava now?

Eggs make the best lava moats.

Proceed to mix with anything you can.

Voilà! Cook it and eat up Spartan.